Deeper

It was not that Jushiro had not noticed it before, the way his and Shunsui’s friendship seemed to run far deeper than anyone else’s he knew, but he had always dismissed any thoughts of love as hallucinations caused by his medication. The thought of the overly-flirtatious way Kyoraku Shunsui behaved around women, made him being with a man sound ridiculous. Besides which, he hated the pained look he saw in his oldest friend’s eyes whenever he was really ill. If they were together that would somehow seem so much worse.

Shunsui, on the other hand, had thought that his love for Jushiro was not returned. Sometimes when he flirted with the girls, he would risk a glance over to Jushiro, to see whether there was any reaction from his greatest friend, and he found himself disappointed that there was none.

So they had continued as friends, always together. Others could see clearly what they could not; both loved the other just as deeply.

***

“Ukitake, we need to talk.”

Jushiro looked up at Byakuya with surprise. Had he finally come to his senses? “Byakuya, what can I do for you?”

“I... need your advice.”

The admission took Jushiro by surprise, but at the same time it was not unwelcome. “What about?” He asked as Byakuya sat down on a vacant chair on the patio.

“Is it wrong to have... feelings towards... someone who you have worked with for many years?”

Smiling, Jushiro poured Byakuya out some of the tea he had been drinking. “I think you are entitled to have feelings about whoever you wish. However if you wish to know if those feelings are returned, you need to approach Abarai-fukitachiou.”

“Is it really that obvious?”

Jushiro took a sip of his tea. “To me it is. Talk to him. This can only be sorted out by the two of you.”

“You are, of course, correct. Thank you.”

Watching as Byakuya started to leave, Jushiro blinked as he halted and turned round.

“One more thing...”

“Yes, Byakuya?”

“It is wise to follow your own advice.”

Jushiro was not even aware of Byakuya leaving, now lost in his own thoughts. Of course, Byakuya was right. He would never know if Shunsui felt the same way if he never approached him. What was he scared of? Ruining their friendship? He entrusted Shunsui with everything, and had asked far more controversial questions than this. There was no way that asking him this would shatter a friendship that was over one thousand years old. 

Coming to a decision, he stood up, only to be confronted by a wave of harsh rasping coughs. Catching some blood in his handkerchief, Jushiro fell to his knees. It was typical of his illness to strike now. “No... Need to get to Shunsui...I must...” All thoughts faded as blackness engulfed him.

***

“Kyoraku-taichou!”

Shunsui groaned, stirring from his position on the grass. “Not so loud, Nanao-chan.”  He flinched as Nanao hit him with her book. “Can’t I have a few minutes rest?” Sitting up, he became serious at the look in Nanao’s eyes. “Something the matter?”

“It’s Ukitake-taichou.”

At that, Shunsui was on his feet in an instant. “His illness?”

“Yes. He’s not fully conscious, but he’s been murmuring your name.”

His heart twisting, Shunsui shot Nanao a quick look of thanks before flash-stepping off to 4^th division.

***

“Unohana-taichou, how is –“

“I am afraid there is nothing more I can do. It is up to Ukitake-taichou whether he can pull himself out of this one.”

“Would you mind if-“

“Not at all.”

Shunsui only knew that Unohana had left by the fading footsteps on the floor, his eyes locked on the shaking figure in the bed. Sitting down, he lowered his hat, and put his hand on top of Jushiro’s. “I’ve not seen you this bad for years. Stay with me.  I need to know, know why you are uttering my name. Had there been something important you wanted to tell me? I’ll be waiting... as always. So come on Jushiro, you can beat this. Don’t leave me forever wondering what it was you wished to say.”

***

                “Kyoraku-taichou, you should get some rest.”

                Shunsui glanced up from Jushiro and at Unohana. “I’m not leaving. Nothing even you can say will make me change my mind.”

                “I see. At least get some sleep. I am sure Ukitake-taichou is glad to have a friend nearby, but he would not want you risking your own health. It’s been four days. Get some sleep.”

                Knowing it was foolish to argue with Unohana, Shunsui slipped off his pink haroi and climbed into the spare bed in the room. His sleep was not a peaceful one, instead riddled with nightmares that Jushiro would never wake up.

                “Shun...?”

                Snapping out of his latest dream, Shunsui leapt out of the bed and moved back to Jushiro’s side. Was that him awaking or just another faint murmur of his name? He had heard it dozens of times in the past few days, and it was torture that he could not get through to him that he was there. “Jushiro?”

                “Shunsui... I...”

                As Jushiro’s eyes opened, Shunsui placed one hand on Jushiro’s and the other in Jushiro’s hair. “You should rest. It’s been nearly five days.”

                “And I bet you haven’t left my side.”

                “I got some sleep. Unohana-taichou insisted.”

                “You don’t sound like you slept well.”

                “I didn’t.” Shunsui sighed, running his hand through Jushiro’s hair. “It was only a few hours ago. I thought... I thought I was going to lose you.”

                “We all know that will happen... one day.”

                Shunsui hated to hear his best friend’s voice contorted with such pain, but at the same time he had to know... “Why have you been murmuring my name?”

                Jushiro blinked; he was unaware that he had been doing such a thing. However, now seemed as good a time as any to ask how Shunsui felt. “Do you love me?”

                “No, Jushiro...”

                Surprised to find his heart sinking at that, Jushiro tried to form a reply. “Oh. It doesn’t matter. As long as –“

                “You did not let me finish.”

                Glancing upwards, Jushiro stared into Shunsui’s sparkling eyes with puzzlement.

                “Love is merely a word, Jushiro. My feelings for you run deeper than that; they always have done. You are the jigsaw piece that completes my life. Without you I am like some sake with no cup to carry it. You are my one and only, and I will be by your side no matter what happens. Love? I passed that point long ago. Jushiro, you are the definition of what makes me, me, and I never want to be without you. So let us drop this facade, and give into the feelings we have both been hiding for so long.”

                Jushiro had been expecting a no, or a simple ‘I do’, but what he had received was so much more precious than he could ever have imagined.  Pulling Shunsui carefully into a kiss, Jushiro smiled. “Thank you, Shunsui, you complete me too.”